I don't know what it is...

...if it's the sudden rush as the lights backstage shut off, the sound of the curtains opening, or that first breath before you say your opening line. It's something though. Something about that feeling. The feeling of putting yourself on the line as a character. You live this character, breathe as it, exhale as it, speak and move as this character, even though...it is only for a couple hours and then you are returned to the cacophony that is the world that surrounds us.

But what of this world? This decrepit sink hole that we refer to as the world. Are we still not merely actors upon a greater stage? I ask this because it feels as though I am sometimes. I feel as though I am being directed by something to make certain choices and do certain things. This person, however, is always just outside the reach of my vision, somewhere in the darkness of the audiences' seats sits, the director of my life. Currently I'm just wondering why this director is leading me to fk up so much of my life.

I have just been awful....

I don't know any other way to describe it aside from that, so I suppose that must suffice for now.

World Traveler
You see the world with your eyes,
But do you truly realize
The beauty before them?
It has much been sought after,
The types of sights that your eyes capture.
But do you truly see how beautiful this world can be?

Pain has discovered the pathways
To your heart,
However, it seems as though your will
Be forth the mountains disguised in your eyes
Before you let your fractured heart be broken.
Is this what keeps you from
Seeing the divinity laid before you?

You must learn to see past the battle in your soul
And see the wonderments
Spread out before you in this unclear world.