Sally Rose
Miss the love we shared
What happened to the romance, Baby?
Where are all the cute singsong names you used to call me?
The gentle way you used to look in my eyes
Finding your place in my heart though them,
And taking up residence there.
What happened to us?
Have too many storms weathered our beloved love?
I wonder at times,
Looking at the dock,
That is to say your eyelids,
As they are closed in slumber
Keeping me from entering the ocean that calls my name.
From lips of perfection,
That seal the secrets of my desire.
Oh, Baby...
What's become of us?
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
A Change of Pace
Trust is one thing I can say I have trouble doing. I believe there are only three people that know every little thing about me that has gone on. I love them all sooo much and I hope I never lose them because they are truly something special.
While I do not trust easily I have found that many of my friends find it very easy to open up to me. There have been many nights sitting in my car talking away well into the darkest hours of any given day. I suppose I was just born to listen to people and help them out that way. I currently have two of the closest people to me going through some pretty intense times in their lives. While one has chosen to open up to me with little to no hesitation I have found that the one closest to me is really the one that is the farthest.
Why is it that the ones we love the most take the furthest steps back at stressful times in their lives? For once I would love to not have to pry to get information out of my most beloved. It pains me to think that he's going at this alone and won't let me in to be at his side. It bothers me in such a way that I think he is unloading his thoughts elsewhere....I no longer know where I stand in his life because currently it feels as though it is not beside him any longer.
We don't talk very much at all. He's always helping his mom with stuff or just simply does not want to talk. He hates it when I ask him questions to keep conversation flowing...but what else am I to do? I see him slipping from my grasp and every inch he falls away my heart loses will to go on. I don't want to lose him again but life, it seems, has kept this little inevitability from disappearing because no matter how hard I try there is always something I've done wrong. There is always something...I don't understand why. I have mastered the technique of ignoring others words and doing everything for him, with little to no acknowledgment. It pains me, but such is life, currently.
So much has been piled unto my brain that I am impressed at myself for how much I've grown in my ability to remain separate from my friends issues. I have managed to just be a voice of reason and the receiving end of a telephone line. I don't wait to talk anymore, I wait for my friends to take their time and open up their hearts to me.
I love you all.
While I do not trust easily I have found that many of my friends find it very easy to open up to me. There have been many nights sitting in my car talking away well into the darkest hours of any given day. I suppose I was just born to listen to people and help them out that way. I currently have two of the closest people to me going through some pretty intense times in their lives. While one has chosen to open up to me with little to no hesitation I have found that the one closest to me is really the one that is the farthest.
Why is it that the ones we love the most take the furthest steps back at stressful times in their lives? For once I would love to not have to pry to get information out of my most beloved. It pains me to think that he's going at this alone and won't let me in to be at his side. It bothers me in such a way that I think he is unloading his thoughts elsewhere....I no longer know where I stand in his life because currently it feels as though it is not beside him any longer.
We don't talk very much at all. He's always helping his mom with stuff or just simply does not want to talk. He hates it when I ask him questions to keep conversation flowing...but what else am I to do? I see him slipping from my grasp and every inch he falls away my heart loses will to go on. I don't want to lose him again but life, it seems, has kept this little inevitability from disappearing because no matter how hard I try there is always something I've done wrong. There is always something...I don't understand why. I have mastered the technique of ignoring others words and doing everything for him, with little to no acknowledgment. It pains me, but such is life, currently.
So much has been piled unto my brain that I am impressed at myself for how much I've grown in my ability to remain separate from my friends issues. I have managed to just be a voice of reason and the receiving end of a telephone line. I don't wait to talk anymore, I wait for my friends to take their time and open up their hearts to me.
I love you all.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Anger...
Recently I have been feeling a sort of anger that I have never really experienced before. The sad part is, it is all directed toward my boyfriend. Most of the time it isn't played out to him I just hang up the phone and bitch out the air but it still bothers me to a great extent. I don't fully comprehend why I am so angry at him. Upon some reflection I think, "Maybe I am not mad at him per se but just the things he doesn't do when I want him to." I will admit to being over bearing at times and wanting of a lot of attention but I would figure that he would know that....he has, after all, been with me three and a half years (four this May). If he has yet to realize this then he must not really pay attention to me.
I don't know...I've just been so fed up lately. Not with him but with how people act toward me regarding him. Johnathan, for instance, is one person I no longer wish to hold any sort of conversation with because of his inability to censor what he has to say about my fiance. He has yet to get it through his thick head that I don't want to be with him anymore and that my heart has chosen Anthony. Tough shit for him but he honestly needs to stop priding himself in saying that he is better than what I have because he's shown me that he can be related to a piece of shit. I mean, honestly, when someone tells you to shut the fk up and you continue to talk....really? And when someone tells you you are being a dick and you're okay with that...there are problems with you, like serious problems. SERIOUS psychological PROBLEMS. I suppose that is beside the point.
I really just need to unwind again. I hate living here....everything is just SO intense SO much of the time. I want to get out of this town as soon as I can because I honestly don't think I can keep my sanity living here much longer. I don't see how the hell people have lived here their whole lives. Anthony tells me I'll miss it here when I move away, I don't think he could be more wrong. I really hate this place and if you know me, even a little, you should know that I can hate near nothing.
What and ever, A-Wo-Man
I don't know...I've just been so fed up lately. Not with him but with how people act toward me regarding him. Johnathan, for instance, is one person I no longer wish to hold any sort of conversation with because of his inability to censor what he has to say about my fiance. He has yet to get it through his thick head that I don't want to be with him anymore and that my heart has chosen Anthony. Tough shit for him but he honestly needs to stop priding himself in saying that he is better than what I have because he's shown me that he can be related to a piece of shit. I mean, honestly, when someone tells you to shut the fk up and you continue to talk....really? And when someone tells you you are being a dick and you're okay with that...there are problems with you, like serious problems. SERIOUS psychological PROBLEMS. I suppose that is beside the point.
I really just need to unwind again. I hate living here....everything is just SO intense SO much of the time. I want to get out of this town as soon as I can because I honestly don't think I can keep my sanity living here much longer. I don't see how the hell people have lived here their whole lives. Anthony tells me I'll miss it here when I move away, I don't think he could be more wrong. I really hate this place and if you know me, even a little, you should know that I can hate near nothing.
What and ever, A-Wo-Man
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