Monday, March 2, 2009

Anger...

Recently I have been feeling a sort of anger that I have never really experienced before. The sad part is, it is all directed toward my boyfriend. Most of the time it isn't played out to him I just hang up the phone and bitch out the air but it still bothers me to a great extent. I don't fully comprehend why I am so angry at him. Upon some reflection I think, "Maybe I am not mad at him per se but just the things he doesn't do when I want him to." I will admit to being over bearing at times and wanting of a lot of attention but I would figure that he would know that....he has, after all, been with me three and a half years (four this May). If he has yet to realize this then he must not really pay attention to me.

I don't know...I've just been so fed up lately. Not with him but with how people act toward me regarding him. Johnathan, for instance, is one person I no longer wish to hold any sort of conversation with because of his inability to censor what he has to say about my fiance. He has yet to get it through his thick head that I don't want to be with him anymore and that my heart has chosen Anthony. Tough shit for him but he honestly needs to stop priding himself in saying that he is better than what I have because he's shown me that he can be related to a piece of shit. I mean, honestly, when someone tells you to shut the fk up and you continue to talk....really? And when someone tells you you are being a dick and you're okay with that...there are problems with you, like serious problems. SERIOUS psychological PROBLEMS. I suppose that is beside the point.

I really just need to unwind again. I hate living here....everything is just SO intense SO much of the time. I want to get out of this town as soon as I can because I honestly don't think I can keep my sanity living here much longer. I don't see how the hell people have lived here their whole lives. Anthony tells me I'll miss it here when I move away, I don't think he could be more wrong. I really hate this place and if you know me, even a little, you should know that I can hate near nothing.

What and ever, A-Wo-Man

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